Let’s talk about making Choices and Decisions
Every day we must make choices and decisions, what do I have for breakfast, do I wear a coat, do I wear shoes or boots. These minor decisions are made every day often unconsciously. It would take us a long time to get through our day if we contemplate every single decision we made. Most of our choices and decisions don’t have any long-term impact but when we are faced with making tough choices and decisions over our children’s futures these major decisions can be very difficult and be a cause of great anxiety.
Decision making is complex, and I expect we could all make a long list of the not-so-great decisions we have made so far. We often learn the most from the decisions that don’t go so well and that’s ok if it only effects ourselves but may not feel so comfortable when the decisions feel so big and have the potential to have a significant impact on our children’s futures.
So, what can help us to make those decisions?
Weigh up all the options – what options do you have, what if you don’t do something, what would be the consequences?
What advice would you offer someone else in your situation?
What are the facts? The facts often take away the emotion. The danger here is that we might only seek out the facts that support our way of thinking and easily dismiss any facts that don’t fit with the direction of travel we are on.
What is your preferred direction and is this different to the one your child wants to take? Is there a middle ground that you can both agree on?
What resources are available to you to make your decision, this may be people you know or people who hold more specialist knowledge?
Is the decision in the best interest of the child in the short and long term? You may need help and support to enable you to make this decision.
What are the outside influences and societal messages that may be influencing your decision-making process? Recognise that these messages may affect our judgment.
Modelling decision-making practice to your child will help and support them in developing the skills to make thoughtful decisions for themselves. Include your child in an age-appropriate way in making the decisions over their own futures.
Sometimes we need to sit with the uncertainty of our choices and decisions. These can also change over time and don’t have to be firmly fixed in place. It’s ok to change your mind. Particularly when we gain more insight into our own or our child’s needs, when we are presented with more information or other factors start to play a part. Trust your instincts. You are making the very best decision you can at the time, based on the best information you have available to you. Nobody can ask any more of you. Parenting is trial and error. We all make mistakes and will often not know if our choices and decisions were right for our child until they become an adult.
For more information:
https://www.newscientist.com/article/mg19426021-100-top-10-ways-to-make-better-decisions/